I sure hope not! Yes penetrative sex might be more enjoyable but foreplay – basically anything other than penetrative sex – is fun too!

Yes you don’t always need to as going straight into sex or a ‘quickie’ can be fun. But, neglecting foreplay can also be detrimental to your partner’s fun, particularly women, who can find it harder to be aroused or reach orgasm without certain aspects of foreplay, compared to men where even just a change in wind can add another stiff element to the weather.

What are your partners likes and dislikes?

Foreplay is still sex

Sex can be performed in many different ways, and vaginal sex is just one of them. It is also offensive to same sex partners where the only sex they have is oral or hand play.

If a penis doesn’t go into a vagina that doesn’t mean you are a virgin and not had sex. That would mean all strictly gay men are then still virgins, you try telling them that!

Maybe you’re just not doing it right? Who’s the judge of that though? It might just be worth trying some other methods of foreplay to see if it’s more exciting for you and your partner.

Steak is delicious, but eating it the same way every day would be boring. Having steak in other ways is an obvious way to spice things up. The same goes for sex – if you hadn’t got that metaphor.

As in dating, the chase can be the best part. Or to use football as an analogy – a great free kick can be a great goal, but a goal with build-up play in the last few minutes can easily be more exciting and enjoyable once you hit the back of the net. See, with football it all makes sense.

More than genital contact

Foreplay also isn’t just about genital contact. There are other areas on the body that can give pleasure – but differ for each person. Not to mention that kissing and sex talk are other areas that count as foreplay, as well as dress up and role play.

To not taking an interest in foreplay is up to you and your partner, but for many it is an area of sex that is often neglected. Receiving oral sex is commonly enjoyed by men, but without telling your partner about your likes and dislikes leaves you with the possibility in missing out on things.


128897-e7f8a4396b3b4df49050ea318837f5c7Letting your partner know what you want

Sex is as much about communication as it is about body movement and reaction, not everything can be assumed. Showing, telling and moving your partner are the best ways to reach better foreplay and sex too.

Don’t be satisfied with unsatisfying sex, let your partner know in a considerate way what you like and don’t like One way of finding this out is through practice, but also through self-pleasure. May was National Masturbation Month after all and is a great way to find out what feels good for you.

Especially so for women where masturbation is often seen as a male thing and not ‘ladylike’. That is complete rubbish. There’s nothing wrong with that and you can help your partner know more about what she or he is doing to make them better too.

If foreplay were to die, it would turn passionate and fun sex into the sort of ‘sex’ seen in porn. Although entertaining, it doesn’t really reflect true life for most of us. Sex is about pleasure for both all who are involved.

Exploring sexual desires is a fun part of sex that foreplay can be central to, no matter your gender.

About Shine Aloud

We are a youth led social enterprise that aims to provide creative solutions to address sexual health inequalities among marginalised groups!