Everyone will experience at least one heartbreak in their lifetime, and unfortunately, it’s just one of those things we can never be prepared for. Yes you may encounter a few arguments or disagreements with your partner, and that’s normal, but when an argument, becomes the very last argument, it’s not always pretty.
One of thing you need to realise is that a break up is a process. With this in mind, your emotions are bound to vary daily. Ultimately, the intensity of these emotions will depend on how much time, energy and feelings you invested in the relationship with your partner – now ex. But just as Jessie J says, ‘it’s ok not to be ok’, we all need time to grieve and then heal.
One of the first things you’ll need to decide is whether or not you want to get back with your partner. During the early days of the break up, this will be the only thing on your mind. You’ll need to ask yourself, was the relationship healthy? can the differences be resolved? and is the relationship really worth fighting for?, if you answer yes to these questions, then it’s up to you and your partner to be mature enough to straighten things out. But, if you answer is no, then it’s time to move on.
Understandably, it’s not going be easy. But you WILL get through it and, here are my top 5 tips.
Take your time to deal with the pain.
Mourn the end
The initial sadness you feel after a break up is normal and don’t let anyone tell you any different. You will sit and reminisce about the best bits of your relationship, this may continue for hours or days. You might cry and you’re likely to spend a lot of time on your own. But after a while most people find they want to spend more time with their friends. This is important. It’s normal to overload your best friends with all of the things that went wrong and what you wish you could have done differently – that’s what friends are there for. Yes you may be hurting, but try your best to avoid risky behaviours such as unprotected sex, binge drinking and drug taking. Initially, it may seem like a great idea, but the truth is, this will only make you feel worse. Things will get better.
Don’t upset yourself over social media!
Avoid social media stalking (or at least limit it)
You’ll find yourself checking your phone regularly to see if your ex has sent you a message on WhatsApp. You’ll stalk their Facebook and Instagram to see if they’re feeling as miserable as you are. Don’t let their ‘happy’ selfies or pictures with their ‘rebound’ make you feel bad. They’re going through the same experience, but possibly just putting up a front and that’s fine, everyone deals with things differently. But, it might be a good idea to un-friend, un-follow or even delete their number if you have to. How can you move on, if you’re still following your ex’s every move? In the long term, you stalking them online can lead to low moods and even depression. Give your phone a break and spend more time in the real world. Avoiding social media stalking is key to getting over a break up.
What do you like to spend your time doing ?
Keep yourself busy
If getting over a heartbreak is a process, you need to give yourself time. Nothing you do is going to take away the memories or the emotions you’re feeling right now. Notice those emotions, but don’t allow them to ruin your day. Occupy your time with things that you enjoy doing, watch your favourite programs on Netflix, read a book on your Kindle, book yourself in for a massage at the local spa or step it up in the gym. Use that negative energy to fuel a passion, this is a great time to find a new hobby or revive an old one. Doing something that you enjoy will make you feel better. It will also give you something positive to focus on.
Who are you and what do you stand for?
Find yourself again
Being in a relationships can often make us lose our sense of self. It’s common to take on the habits, beliefs and future goals of our partners. This is a great time to think about who you are and what you want from your life. What are your dreams? What are your passions? It’s time to set some goals. You are the only person who can create the life you want. Your partner should never change who you are or limit what you can achieve. And if this happens to be the case then you truly should not be with them. Try and think about your relationship objectively. What went wrong and what would you do differently next time? If you know what you want, you’re more likely to attract a more compatible partner in the future.
Surround yourself with love.
Connect with family and friends
Most people become distant from their family and friends when they ‘re in a relationship. The sad thing is you don’t realise it until your relationship has ended. Don’t spend too much time feeling bad about this. Swallow your pride and apologise to your loved ones about how distant you’ve become. Make an effort to spend more time with them moving forward. Be the one to arrange dinners, drinks or a nights out. Family and friends are the most important people in your life. No matter what you do or how many mistakes you make, they will always be there for you.
There is no easy way to get over a break up, but it will get better. So continue living, loving and exploring. The world is your oyster!
